Stop The Pain
by x0xbklynzgrlx0x
Summary: After Amy's death Tom turns to comfort from something he thought he had given up. Can he keep it a secret from everyone? Can someone save him for destroying himself?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own 21 Jump street or anything related with it so please do not sue me lol. I only own the original characters I put into the story.

AN - This is my first 21 jump street fanfiction. I haven't written fanfiction in a very very long time so if this sucks I'm really sorry. I had this idea in my mind and I'm not sure its good, but just let me know what you guys think. Thanks.

Stop the pain

Chapter One

Tom Hanson entered the busy chapel at 7:05 Monday morning, everyone busy doing paperwork or talking on the phone to even notice him walk over to his desk and silently take a seat. It had been two weeks since Amy was murdered and none of this seemed to matter any more. Going to work everyday to play some bad-ass drug dealing high school kid, what was the point? Busting kids for doing drugs. Why? Sure drugs are dangerous and could get people killed. But innocent people die everyday, people who don't deserve it. People who had never done anything wrong... People like Amy.

Most of the kids they arrested didn't even learn from their mistakes. As soon as they were out, they either went back to using or dealing. Nothing he or any other cop did would ever change that. So why do this everyday? These kids were going to do whatever they wanted. They used drugs to escape the horrible reality of the world around them. To escape the pain and fear. Who was he to stop them, when he wanted to do the same thing. Escape the painful memories of that night.

The image of her being shot playing over and over in his mind. Her screaming for him and he for her. Her lifeless body lying on the floor surrounded by a pool of blood. And he, a trained police officer had done nothing to stop it. Of course he couldn't stop it... He couldn't even stop high school kids from using drugs. He closed his eyes, losing himself in the memories.

Amy screaming his name.

A gun shot echoing in his head.

No!

Amy's lifeless body.

Blood... so much blood.

Tom ran his hands through his hair, slightly pulling at it. Trying to pull the memories out of his brain, to forget what had happened that night. Forget everything. Forget the images that kept taunting him.

"..., Tom?"

Tom's head shot up and met the worried eyes of Doug Penhall. "You okay?"

"Yeah, fine." Tom lied. He was far from okay, but he would never admit that to anyone. They would make him go to see the psychologist, one thing he swore he would never do again.

"Captain wants to see us." Doug looked at Tom, he was worried about his friend. Everyone had been on edge since Tom had that break down. But Tom had sworn he was going to the psychologist and was getting through this difficult time. "You sure you're okay?"

"I said I'm fine!" Tom snapped, standing up and walking towards Fuller's office. He was sick of everyone asking him how he was. He just wanted everyone to leave him alone, he hated their sympathy. He never asked for it, not when his father died and he certainly did not need it now.

Both men entered Fullers office and took a seat. Fuller eyed the men and sensed all was not right. He looked over at Tom and felt for him. Tom had gone through so much in his life, losing his father at such a young age and now he was reliving it all over again. Fuller had suggested that Tom take some time off to clear his head but Tom had ignored him and insisted on coming back to work. Fuller wasn't sure Tom was ready to go back in the field but he had a new case and needed two of his best officers for the job.

"There's been three drug related deaths at Burlingwood high school this past month. It may be coincidental but I've got the feeling someone is lacing the drugs with a dangerous substance that's killing these kids. I need you two to go in and see what's going on in that school." He handed a folder to each of the officers with the details of the case and watched as they both nodded and exited the office.

"The McQuaid Brothers!" Doug screamed as soon as they stepped foot outside Fuller's office. Tom smiled but it didn't quite reach his eyes and walked to his desk with out doing the infamous McQuaid Brothers handshake. Tom said at his desk and opened the file looking over the information. Two boys and girl had been the "victims" if you could even call them that. No one shoved those drugs down their throats, they took them voluntarily.

Tom sighed and closed the file. He had to get ready for a new day... A new day doing the same old thing. All he could think about was how useless this was. He could not help these kids, no one could. But he had a job to do, and maybe just maybe it would stop those haunting images of a lifeless body surrounded by blood that kept flashing in his mind.

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Tom and Doug walked into Burlingwood highschool wearing their usual McQuaid brothers outfits and walking down the hall like they owned the place. They pushed past anyone in their way and anyone who dare say something to them would be in a whole lot of pain. By the end of the school day everyone knew of the McQuaid brothers, that Tommy McQuaid had killed someone and that the two brothers were into drugs, they were users and dealers.

When the last bell rang signaling that the students could finally go home Tom got up to walk out of the classroom but the teacher called his name, grabbing his arm. He was probably going to reprimand him for interrupting the class to many times. Tom roughly pulled away from the teacher.

"Don't touch me." He shot Mr. Harris a look that made the man back away before finally leaving the classroom.

Tom was waiting for Doug by his blue mustang when a kid approached him. The kid was about the same height and build as Tom, maybe a little skinnier with blue eyes and slicked back black hair. "I'm Mickey." He stuck his hand out and Tom looked at it for a moment before wearily shaking it. "I've heard all about you and your brothers reputation. Here's a little welcome present." Mickey smiled and walked away.

Tom looked down at his hand and found a little bag filled with white powder. A part of his brain longed to know what it felt like to just escape from the world for a little while. It was the same part that made him slip the bag into his back pocket when he heard Doug come over to him.

"Whose that guy?" Doug asked looking at the retreating form of Mickey.

Tom looked at the back of Mickey's head and then over to Doug, the only thing he could about was the bag in his pocket. "No one." He responded as he and Doug got into the car and drove towards the chapel.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own 21 Jump street or anything related with it so please do not sue me lol. I only own the original characters I put into the story.

AN – Guess I should put a warning for drug use.

Chapter Two

The drive to the chapel seemed to last forever, all Tom could think about was the little bag in his back pocket filled with a powder that would at least for a little while take away his pain. It couldn't hurt to just have a little, just a little so the images and screams would stop if only for a minute. Just a little so that for once in his life he could feel good all over and not have to worry about anything.

The car finally pulled into the lot behind the chapel and came to a stop. Doug looked over at his best friend, wondering what was going on in Tom's mind. The whole ride had been silent, which was very unusual for them. He knew something was wrong, and he only hoped Tom would open up to him. Doug was just about to say something when Tom suddenly got out of the car and started towards the steps to the door. Doug sighed and followed.

Fuller greeted both men as they walked inside. "Find anything? Or anyone who looks suspicious?" He knew something was going down in that school; it was no coincidence that three teens were dead using the same drug in the same school.

Doug was the first to speak. "There is this one guy I think we should look into. Names Chris Fickle, seems to be the dealer of the school."

Fuller shook his head. "I doubt he would compromise such a position by killing three of his fellow class mates. But stick with him. See what he has to say about their deaths." He looked over to Hanson who had been mysteriously quiet. "What about you?"

Tom stopped staring at the interesting little spot on the floor and connected eyes with Fuller, his hand unconsciously moving to feel the bag in his pocket. It was now or never. Part of him wanted to say that this kid Mickey had given him a bag of coke, the other part was telling him to shut-up. It was telling him that maybe tonight he would find the relief he had been wanting for two weeks.

"I --- I didn't find anything."

Fuller nodded. "Alright, well stick with this Fickle fellow. See if maybe the victims did something to set him off. Why don't you both go home get some rest, tomorrow is a long day."

"You wanna go grab a beer with this rest of the gang?" Doug asked.

Tom wanted to say yes, a night out might be good for him. But the little voice in his mind was telling him that he had something that would make him feel a lot better then alcohol ever could. He ran his hand through his messy hair shaking his head. "Nah I gotta lot to do. Tomorrow night maybe?"

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As soon as Tom was in his apartment he pulled the bag out of his pocket and threw it on his coffee table. He took a seat on the couch opposite the table and just stared at the tiny bag debating what to do. He had seen so many kids do it, just make a line and suck it right up. He had seen how good they felt afterwards, how nothing could hurt them because they felt untouchable.

He knew that feeling as well. Everyone thought that little Tommy Hanson was the perfect child and student. Little did they know he was far from it. After his father had died Tom's whole life fell apart. He started hanging out with the wrong crowd. First it was cutting class to go get drunk in the park somewhere. But as the months passed the alcohol no longer filled that void in him. He needed something stronger, something to make him feel like he would never hurt again. He was seventeen the first time he ever tried cocaine, and he would never forget that feeling of being high.

That behavior had lasted for a year before his mother finally had enough and decided to get him some help. He went to nice little rehabilitation center in the middle of no where, his mother making up some lie about his whereabouts because God forbid the neighbors new what little Tommy had been up to.

Tom had been clean now for three years; he had gone to the academy and gotten his life back on track. Never really having the urge for the drug, the wonderful high until now. Right now he needed to forget everything, he needed to forget Amy's screams, the shot, her blood. He needed to forget that night when he found out his father was dead. He needed a break from life and that little white powder could give it to him.

Tom quickly snatched the baggie from the table and held it tightly in his hand as he went to the kitchen. He got a tray from one of the cabinets, along with a knife from the drawer. He spilt the contents of the bag onto the tray and using the knife quickly divided the drug into two lines. Tom rummaged around the kitchen looking for anything that could be used as a snorting device, before finally just rolling up a little piece of paper. He lined the paper up with the first line and before even thinking about the consequences he quickly snorted it, quickly followed by the other.

Tom just sat back and let the sensations take over.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own 21 Jump street or anything related to it so please do not sue me. The only thing I do own are the original character I put in the story.

AN - Warning still applies.

Chapter Three

Tom's heart was pounding in his chest. It had been a half hour since he snorted the two lines of coke and he could already feel that his high was fading. He needed more; he didn't want this feeling to go away. He felt like he was on top of the world and he was not ready to come crashing back down to earth.

He quickly walked into his kitchen and found the plastic bag that had once held the drugs, cursing that there was nothing left. He had to get more, he needed it. He had deprived himself of this feeling for too long and now he didn't want it to ever go away.

Tom began to pace as the euphoria from the drugs started to fade. All the images he had tried to escape slammed into him like a brick wall.

_Amy screaming his name_

_A gun shot_

_No!_

_Amy's body surrounded by a puddle of thick red liquid… blood…so much blood_

Tom grabbed his hair and began to pull at it, wanting to rid himself forever of these images, but the memories just kept coming.

_Sixteen years old looking down at a casket_

_His father was dead_

_Dead… death all around him_

Tom's heart began to slam against his chest.

_Eighteen year old boy in a cold dark room_

_Shivering_

_Screaming for something to get rid of the pain_

_Screaming for drugs_

_Grabbing his stomach as he doubled over him pain_

He had to get more drugs to make this go away. It was the only way these horrible memories would disappear. It was the only thing that could help him now. Tom tried to calm himself down, breathing in and out very slowly, willing his heart to become slower. He closed his eyes and leaned his head against the wall. Tomorrow he would get what he needed… Tomorrow everything would be alright… Tomorrow…

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Tom and Doug walked through the hallways of Burlingwood High, a group of teenagers quickly scattered when they saw the two brothers making their way towards them. Tom had to admit that felt good. The fact that people looked at him in fear, he was beginning to like that whatever he wanted he got. The kids in this school like every other were too afraid to say 'no'. It was the same feeling of control he got when he was high… Speaking of which, he saw Mickey out of the corner of his.

"I'll catch up with you later." Tom said to Doug and walked off in the same direction Mickey had gone. He needed a fix. He hadn't slept at all last night; all he could think about was getting to this school and getting his drug.

As Tom made his way towards Mickey a much smaller kid accidentally slammed right into him. He looked down at the teen in disgust. "Move, now." The smaller of the two men did nothing, just stood there with fear in his eyes. He had heard stories of Tommy McQuaid, how he had killed someone and never left the house without a gun. Fear didn't even describe what he was feeling right now.

When the kid didn't budge Tom quickly shoved him against a locker, holding him in place as he moved his mouth real close to the kid's ear. "Do you have a death wish?"

The kid shook his head, Tom mimicking his actions as he backed away. "Good boy." He smiled and patted the boys head. "Next time I say something you better do it." And with that he walked off and made his way towards the man that could give him what he needed.

Tom and Mickey made eye contact before Mickey nodded and pointed towards the boy's bathroom. Once inside Mickey smiled. "Knew you would be back."

"Yeah, whatever… Listen I need an 8-ball think you can handle it?"

Mickey snickered and pulled the drug out of his jacket pocket waving it in Tom's face. "Can you handle two hundred and fifty dollars?"

Tom smirked and handed him the money with his left hand and taking the drug in his right. He stuffed the bag once again into his back pocket before leaving Mickey with his money.

The rest of the day dragged on, Tom sat in all his classes obnoxiously chewing his bubble gum and occasionally snapping it him to see the teacher's reaction. It was almost too easy to get under their skin and Tom loved everyone minute of it. He loved knowing that the teacher wouldn't say one word to him about all the distractions. Loved knowing that he was feared... That no one could touch him.

The last bell rang and Tom walked over to his locker to put away his books when Doug came over to him. "I got another lead. Some kid named Mickey; apparently all three victims got their drugs from him."

Tom slammed his locker shut and scratched his head. "It's not him. I've talked to him, he's clean… Whoever gave you that information is wrong."

"Tom C'mon, does that guy look clean to you?" Doug pointed to Mickey who was talking to a fellow student. They seemed to be arguing over something.

"Fine, you stick with Fickle. I'll get close to this guy; see what I can dig up." Tom wasn't gonna dig up anything on Mickey. He couldn't risk anyone finding out about his purchase. He couldn't risk losing this feeling again. He pushed past Doug and once again made his way towards Mickey.

"…not happen again!" Mickey warned the kid he had been arguing with before turning towards Tom.

"You got a problem?"

"Nah, I was just wondering what you people do for fun around here."

Mickey smiled. "You wanna have fun? Meet me here tonight." He handed Tom a piece of paper with an address written on it before walking away.

Tom looked down at the paper and read the address.

Oh yeah, tonight was gonna be a lot of fun.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own 21 Jump Street, or anything associated with it. I do own the original characters that I make up.

Warnings still apply.

Sorry it took so long to get this next chapter out! Life has been crazy! Not to crazy about this chapter but I hope you enjoy. Please read and review. Thanks!

Chapter Four

As soon as they had arrived at the Chapel Tom went straight to the bathroom, making sure to check that no one else was in there before locking the door. He had been thinking about the drug all day, he needed it… He couldn't live without it. He knew it was dangerous, he knew what happened to kids on drugs, hell he had been one of those kids. But he also knew of the escape it gave him, the feeling of being untouchable. It was a good feeling. Something he hadn't felt in long time.

He knew he was being reckless, using drugs in a police station but he just didn't care. He knew no one would suspect him, the infallible Tom Hanson of doing such unlawful acts. He hated that everyone thought he was so perfect, that he couldn't do anything wrong, that he always had to be the responsible one. How they all thought he would break down… Like when his father was killed…. No, he wouldn't think of that, he refused to let his mind wander any further toward that night…

He walked over to the sink and emptied some of the powder from the bag onto the counter and cut it into two lines. He put the snorting device to his nose and as he lowered his head towards the drug his eyes caught his reflection in the mirror. He stared at himself and for a second felt hate towards what was looking back. What was he doing?

He jumped at the loud bang on the bathroom door.

"Tom, you in there?" He heard the concern in Ioki's voice.

"Uh, yeah. One minute." He closed his eyes and quickly snorted the two lines. His eyes remained closed as he let the effect of the drug sink in. He turned the faucet on and splashed cold water on his face.

Tom made sure that any sign on what he had done was gone before opening the bathroom door; he walked past Ioki without saying a word and sat at his desk. As the minutes went by he began to fidget in his seat, every now and then he would get up and walk around the room before taking his seat.

Doug couldn't take it anymore; he kept watching Hanson walk back and forth and back and forth. "Okay, what's going on with you man?" He half screamed as he got up and grabbed Tom's arm forcing the smaller man to pay attention.

"Nothing."

"Something's going on! You can tell me. Is it something about the case? Is Mickey involved?"

Tom looked confused. "What?" Mickey, he was supposed to meet Mickey tonight. He looked down at his watch, he had to meet him in a hour. "No… I got a lead though, I'm gonna meet him tonight."

"I'll come."

"No!" Tom eyes became wide; if Doug came everything would be ruined. He would be ruined. Maybe Doug was suspicious. No, he couldn't let anything screw this up. "I just mean that I can handle it alone. I'll be fine."

Doug nodded but he wasn't totally convinced. Something was wrong with Tom and he was going to find out exactly what it was. He watched as his best friend walked past him and out of the chapel. He heard the car engine start up and the screech of the tires as Tom sped out of the parking lot.

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Tom arrived at 3756 Delebiou Street and smiled. An abandoned warehouse, kids just never change. He had gone to the same exact place when he was a teen looking to get high and party. As he walked to the door he could hear the loud music coming from the inside and it was like nothing had ever changed. Like he was a teenager again, like he had never stopped using the wonderful substance that made everything okay, if only for a little while.

But all good things do come to an end, that did and unfortunately his recent high was. He could feel himself crashing and needed something minimize the effect. That something was definitely inside this building.

He walked into the building and allowed his eyes to roam over the crowd of people. Guys and girls of all different ages were either getting high or already high to begin with. It was a giant dance floor with scattered couches for those who were too high to do anything, or for couples who didn't have the patience for a room. His eyes finally came to rest on the guy who made this all possible, Mickey.

Tom carefully made his way through the crowd, each second passing made the urge for something stronger unbearable. He knew what he needed, it was something he had never tried before, he could just imagine what it would feel like and he knew Mickey had it.

Mickey took one look at Tom and smirked. "You look like you need something. Bad crash?" Tom didn't say anything. Mickey held out his hand. "Take this, it's on me. Believe me you'll feel a lot better."

Tom looked down at Mickey's hand, in it lay a needle. He shouldn't take it, he was a cop, he should be arresting this kid, but he couldn't. It was an inner battle and the teenage Tom Hanson kept winning. After everything he went through, everything he put his mother through, all those months in rehab, the pain and he still craved the high. This drug could give him the ultimate high.

He took the needle and examined it. Mickey smiled, putting his arm around Tom's shoulder and lead him to a room at the back of the warehouse. He leaned close to Tom's ear, "I suggest you speedball it." And that is exactly what Tom did. The sensations were amazing.

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"You guys have been on this case for three weeks! Three weeks! And you mean to you tell me you have nothing?" Adam Fuller's voice filled the small room. Doug sat there silently not knowing what to say. Every time he thought he had something on Chris Fickle evidence suggested different, but they had no one else to suspect. Tom was still working on Mickey but he like Doug couldn't find anything on the kid.

"Captain, I…"

The door opened and Tom walked in an hour and a half late. His eyes were blood shot, he was much skinnier then he had ever been and his coloring was off. He had dark circles under his eyes which were more noticeable due to his extremely pale complexion.

Fuller slammed the file on his desk. "Well look who finally decided to show up!"

"Sorry." Tom mumbled as he took his seat next to Doug in front of Fuller's desk.

"You two better get your act together! I want something on my desk by tomorrow morning." Fuller looked at Doug, "you can leave." Both men made a move to exit the office. "Tom I need to speak with you."

Tom nodded and sat back down as Doug left. "You wanna tell me what's wrong?"

Tom shook his head. "Nothing, I'm fine.'

"You've been late for the past two weeks! Now I wanna know why one of my best officers is acting like one of the immature teenagers you're supposed to pretend to be." Fuller sighed trying to get a hold of himself. "If you need to take time off… I know you've been through a lot with losing Amy…"

"This has nothing to do with her! I don't need time off. I'm fine. Now if you don't mind I have some things I have to take care of." And with that said Tom walked out of the office, slamming the door shut behind him.

Doug watched as once again Tom stormed out of the chapel, he watched him get into his car and speed off. Doug quickly started up his motorcycle and began to follow his best friend. It was time to find out what Tom was hiding.

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	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own 21 Jump Street or anything affiliated with it. I do own the original characters that I make up.

Warnings still apply.

Chapter Five

_Seventeen year old Tom Hanson was in his bedroom rummaging through all his drawers. Different knick-knacks and clothes were thrown all over the bed and floor. He had run out, how could he have run out already? He had just bought some two days ago. His whole body began to shake, he needed it right now. He made his way over to his jacket ripping out his wallet and looking in side. Nothing… He had no money… He had used it all last time. _

_He opened his bedroom door and peeked outside. His mother had gone out fifteen minutes ago and wouldn't be back for at least an hour, it would have been the perfect time to get high. As he walked into the living room he saw his mother's purse on the table next to the couch. Without even thinking about what he was doing he grabbed the bag and pulled out just enough money to get him what he needed until he got his own money. _

_He stuffed the money into his pocket and grabbed his car keys from the table, at the same time he noticed the picture on the table. It was of him and his father which had been taken on his sixteenth birthday. They looked so happy. Tom picked up the photo, his eyes only on the still image of his father._

"_This is your fault…You shouldn't have left us!" He threw the picture at the wall, the glass shattering into little pieces. He exited the house with only one thing on his mind, escaping._

Tom was driving dangerously fast, but he didn't care. All he cared about was getting to 3756 Delebiou Street, because that's where Mickey was, and he had what would allow Tom to escape from the real world. He knew that everyone was suspicious of him; they were always questioning everything he did. He didn't care what they thought. They weren't going through everything he was. They didn't see their girlfriend murdered right in front of them. All the blood he saw, the shot he heard. Her scream…

They didn't understand what he was going through. The pain he felt every time he closed his eyes and saw her body. His fathers body being lowered into the dirt. They didn't know what it felt like to have someone ripped away from them like that. Go to a psychologist, that was there best advice. A psychologist could never relieve him of the memories like a drug did.

"_Mrs. Hanson your son hasn't attended his classes for three weeks. When he does come to school he is disruptive and shows no respect at all for myself, his teachers or his fellow classmates. I'm sorry but I have no choice but to expel him from this school."_

"_But Mr. Masterson there has to…"_

_Tom rolled his eyes as he listened to his principal and mother discuss his future or in the principals opinion lack of. He had learned the hard way that life was to short, you had to seize each day. If that meant breaking the rules and getting high so be it. Tom wasn't going to let his life go to waste, he was going to do what he wanted when he wanted and no one was going to stop him. He looked up as his mother walked out of the office and toward him._

"_Where have you been going everyday?!"_

"_Places." Was his only response. She didn't want to know what he did when he skipped school. She didn't want to know that her precious son was a drug addict. _

"_Damn it Tom, you think I don't notice that my money is missing?! That my own son is stealing from me? You are going to tell me what you do everyday!"_

_Tom stared at her for what seemed like hours but really could only have been a few seconds. He stood from the chair and started to leave, only stopping for a minute when he heard her voice pleading for him to open up to her but then continued to walk out of the school._

Doug was doing his best to remain discrete while following Tom to the unknown location. Something was wrong with his best friend and he knew it went beyond the loss of Amy. He was worried. Tom had always seemed to have everything in control. Yet Doug knows that for the past month he was losing it. Not only in his work, which used to be so meticulous and now displayed an attitude of not caring, but also in appearance.

Tom had become dangerously skinny, he had a washed out sort of look about him. Dark circles under his eyes which were deeply contrasted by the paleness of his skin. His once lively eyes were now bloodshot and watery. Tom also no longer cared about his appearance, only wearing sweat shirts and baggy jeans. His behavior had also changed. Doug and Tom were best friends and yet for this past month they had only spoken a few words at work or about the case. Tom seemed to be pulling away from his friends, isolating himself in the pain and misery.

He watched as Tom's car began to slow and finally stop in front of an abandoned warehouse. He pulled over making sure to keep his distance as Tom got out of the car, looked around suspiciously before entering the old building. Doug made sure to take down the address of the building; he was going to make sure he came back when he wouldn't be spotted by Tom.

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Tom walked into the old factory, some people were still hanging around talking with friends, and others were passed out on the couches. He saw Mickey in the corner talking to some potential buyer. He made his way toward the two; every step he took gave him access to the conversation. Mickey did not look happy.

"I want my money…"

"Please, Mickey I don't have it right now. I swear I can have it tonight; I just need some more now. Please…"

Mickey shook his head. He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled a small glass bottle, Tom couldn't make out what it was. He watched as Mickey leaned in and whispered something to the kid while handing him the vial. The kid nodded and walked away just as Tom reached them.

Mickey watched as the teen left. "He won't be back tonight." It wasn't a statement made with regret, a statement made by someone who knew they had just lost a lot of money.

"Why do you say that?"

Mickey looked Tom in the eye and smiled. "No reason… Now I know exactly what you want. Just cooked it up for you."

Tom's thoughts about the recent conversation left his mind when he saw the drug. The exchange was made and Tom quickly left the building.

_Tom once again sat in his room. Last night had been another night of non-stop partying with his friends. He could feel the effects of the coke diminishing, he walked over to the drawer in his bedside table moved all the clothes over and pulled out the plastic bag. _

_He sat down at his desk and emptied some of the contents of the bag onto the wood surface. _

He walked into his apartment and took off his jacket on the way toward the couch. Once he was sitting he rolled up his sleeves, stopping for a minute to examine the track marks that were now on the inside of his arm. What was happening to him? Why was he doing this? He knew the end result; he had gone through it already.

Tom shook his head clearing his mind of these thoughts. Once he injected this drug into his vain these concerns would be the last thing on his mind.

_He divided the pile of white powder into four equal lines._

He pulled out the needle and tapped it a few times making sure to clear the air-bubbles.

_Lowered his head to the desk the snorting device in place._

About to the push the needle in.

_He was on his third line when the door burst open._

"What the hell are you doing?!"

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Please review!! Thanks! )


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: Don't own anything for 21 Jump Street.

Warnings still apply

Please please please review. Thanks so much!

Chapter Six

Tom's head snapped up at the sound of the outburst and was met by the two very angry eyes of Doug Penhall. Before he could react Doug had snatched the needle from his hand.

"What the hell are you doing?"

Tom said nothing. His eyes were fixed on the needle in his friend's hand. The needle that contained the one thing that allowed for his escape from this world full of pain. He was too distracted to notice that Doug had seen the track marks all over his arm.

Tom snapped back to reality when he felt Doug grab his arm. He finally realized what Doug was doing and immediately tried to pull away. "Get off me!"

"Tom, man what's going on? What are you doing to yourself?" He asked inspecting the scabs along his friends arm.

He could see the disappointment in his friends eyes as his own darkened. He roughly pulled out of Doug's grasp. He pulled down his sleeve to block the offending marks from view. Disappointment… Doug was disappointed in him? He gave a low malicious laugh.

"What does it look like Doug?"

"But why?" Doug didn't understand why Tom would do this to himself. He looked at his friend in concern. He knew something had been wrong but he never thought Tom was turning to drugs. He should have seen the signs. He looked at Tom's eyes noticing how small his pupils were, they looked like pinpoints. Tom looked like he hadn't eaten anything in days.

"Why?" Tom laughed again, running his hand through his hair. "To escape. For comfort. To forget everything that's happened…" He sighed. "Just give me the needle back Doug."

"No… Tom, how could you do this?"

"What's the matter Doug did I ruin the perfect image you had of Tom Hanson? Tom would never fuck up! Tom would never even think about taking a drug!" He pulled his sleeve up exposing all the bruising from the needles. "I never wanted to be perfect! I was happy, she took that away. Had to have the perfect child… So much pain…"

Tom's voice became soft, his eyes filled with anguish and tears. He wiped them away quickly once again looking at the needle in Doug's hand.

"Give it back! Please Doug I need to stop the pain… Please I need it!" He pleaded and his whole body began to shake.

Doug didn't know what to say. He had never seen Tom like this; Tom was always in control of everything. He obviously didn't know his best friend as well as he thought. He looked down at his friend pleading for him to give him the drug.

"Tom, listen man you need help."

Tom began shaking his head, his hands pulling at his hair. "No… No, Doug please I just want the needle back… I can stop just not now… Just one more time! Just help me stop remembering!"

"No. I will not help you kill yourself with this!" Doug held the syringe up and began to empty the contents.

Tom's eyes became wide when he saw what his friend was doing. In a fit he lunged for Doug trying to grab the needle from his hand but him being the smaller one and having not eaten properly in weeks, Doug was able to push Tom back onto the couch.

He walked back into the smaller mans kitchen, he could feel Tom's eyes on him the entire time as he began opening all the drawers pouring the contents onto the table. He gasped when he saw all the packets filled with white powder. He grabbed them all from the table and made his way to the bedroom.

Tom sat on the couch, he could hear the other man rummaging through the drawers in his room, knew he would find everything. He began to shake; he couldn't go through this again.

--

_Eighteen year old Tom Hanson watched as his mother poured every single bag of that wonderful white powder into the toilet and flushed. His eyes were wide and his hands were trembling. How could this be happening to him? How could she do this to him? She knew what he was going through; she knew the pain he felt from losing his father. Knew that alcohol wasn't enough to block the memories. _

"_Your father would be so disappointed!" _

_His eyes narrowed. "Well then I guess it's good he's dead!" _

_She turned around and smacked him across the face. "This stops now. I won't have a junkie for a son!"_

_Two days later he found himself locked in a room in some rehab center far away from his own town. His mother had made sure that no one knew what was going on, she had made up a story that he had gone to stay with some family in another state. _

_He sat on his bed in the dark room. He could hear people screaming out, banging against the doors pleading to get out. _

_He looked down at his arms; he could see bumps moving up and down under his skin. He could feel bugs crawling under his skin and began to panic. He breathing became heavy as he closed his eyes willing the hallucination to go away. Some part of his brain knew it was the withdrawal, but he couldn't help but feel like it was real. He scratched at the bumps, tearing the skin and bringing the blood to the surface. _

--

Tom was pulled back from his memory when he heard Doug walk back into the room. He was holding many bags filled with the coke, his eyes showing signs of pity, disappointment but most of all sadness.

He began to fidget, he needed the drug. The craving was so strong and there it was right in front of him. "Doug… Please I need it." His eyes once again filled with tears and his whole body began to shake as he lost control. He broke down completely.

"Tom I promise I'll get you help. You need…"

"No! I can't go back! You have to promise me… Promise me you won't let them put me away! I can't go through that again. I can't. I won't."

'Again' Doug wondered to himself. He had always thought that Tom was, well for lack of a better word perfect. A good kid who never got less then an 'A' in high school. Never once did even consider that Tom had even tried drugs when he was a teenager. And now he had just found out that not only did he try drugs but he was an addict.

"Just help me. You can help me. I don't wanna go back there."

--

_He had been here for two days and the cravings were horrible, but the pain… The pain was the worst thing he had ever experienced. He lay on the bed gripping at his hair, biting down hard on his bottom lip drawing blood just to keep from screaming out. The pain was everywhere. _

_His whole body was shaking, he felt so cold. He couldn't do this. He needed a drug, anything would do. He starting screaming for someone to bring him some coke, he didn't think he could survive without it. _

_He must have been screaming for hours, when finally the door opened. He turned away as the light burned at his eyes. _

"_Tom, I'm Dr. Stevenson. I'm going to be helping you through this difficult time." _

_Tom turned his head toward the doctor. "You wanna know how to help? Give me what I want. Make this go away!"_

_The doctor shook his head and looked down at the young boy. "I'm sorry Tom, that won't be possible."_

"_Then get out!"_

"_Tom…" The doctor began but only to be cut off by the young mans screaming._

"_Get the fuck out!"_

_The door closed and once again Tom began to whimper. His pleas and cries mixed with the other patients, their requests never answered._

--

"Tom, where did you get these?"

He shook his head. He couldn't tell him where he got the drugs. Everything would be ruined. He had screwed up a case by taking the drugs from Mickey, by lying about him. Saying that he was clean.

"Tell me where you got them?!"

No response.

"Did you get them from Mickey?" Doug asked keeping an eye on Tom to see his reaction.

Tom shook his head, another lie he thought. They came so easy to him now. "No, just some guy. I don't know his name…"

He was cut off by the sound of the phone ringing. Tom went to get it but Doug was too quick and picked it up before him.

"Hello?"

"Doug?" Came the voice of Adam Fuller.

Doug looked at Tom. "Hey Captain." Tom's head shot up. His eyes pleading with Doug not to say anything.

"Is everything okay?" Fuller sounded concerned.

"Everything's fine…" Doug lied. He knew he should tell Fuller what was going on but he didn't want to betray his friend. "What's going on?"

"Another kid was found dead, same drug combination. I need you and Tom to get here now see if you can ID him from school."

"Sure thing Captain." Doug hung up the phone and looked over at his best friend. He didn't say anything as he took the drugs he had found around the house, walked to the bathroom and flushed them. When he came back out he stared at Tom.

"You promise me that those drugs were not from Mickey and I won't tell Fuller."

"I promise." He hated lying to Doug, but he had no choice.

Doug nodded. "Okay. This stops now. I'm going to help you through this. Do you think you can handle coming down to the chapel?"

"Yeah."

Tom was still shaky as he walked into the bathroom. He looked around for any kind of trace of left over drugs only to find nothing. He looked into the mirror hating what he saw. What was happening to him? Why was he doing this to himself again? He splashed cold water on his face and took some Tylenol to control the shaking.

The drive to the chapel was silent, neither man knowing what to say to the other. Doug was thinking about how he could help his best friend. Had he made the right decision in not telling Fuller about Tom's addiction? He sighed and pulled into the lot parking the car. He turned to Tom, he didn't look good but he had settled down a bit.

They walked into the chapel and were immediately called into Fullers office.

"About time you got here. Another kid was found dead. It was the same combination of drugs that killed the other three." He handed them each a picture.

Tom looked down at the picture and his face became even paler. It was Nick Roberts, the same kid he had seen arguing with Mickey. He remembered what Mickey had said, 'He won't be back tonight.'


End file.
